In her recent Christianity Today piece Bekah Mason (executive director of Revoice) encouraged the evangelical church to stop seeing ‘Side B’ Christians as threats, and to instead honour them as important members of the Body of Christ. (For those unfamiliar with the term ‘Side B’, it is a self-adopted shorthand reference for Christians who experience same-sex attraction but who are also committed to the Bible’s sexual ethic of faithful monogamy between a husband and wife in marriage, and sexual continence for those who are not married. As it has grown bigger, the movement itself has become more complex. But in essence, ‘Side B’ stands in contrast to ‘Side A’, which refers to those who affirm same-sex relationships as not only permissible, but good for Christians)
Reading this makes me feel that there is hope for me yet. I definitely fall into the B side of things and struggled with my same-sex “secret” all my life. Maybe there’s some hope for me yet.
I think a difference exists between singleness and celibacy. The former includes a desire to marry, whereas the latter not, either by choice or condition as Jesus speaks in Matthew 19.
Single folk generally aren't content with their lot, and so must find a marriage partner. In antiquity and in some cultures today, marriages were thus arranged. Otherwise, single folk must become intentional to actively seek a marriage partner and they can more efficiently today via a myriad of dating apps.
The thing is, if single folk become passive and remain so, inevitably they show discontent and unhappiness. They become difficult as company and often put blame elsewhere like on the church. Celibate folk are not like that. For them celibacy is a vocation freeing them to put all for the Kingdom. Their company is stimulating, enriching, and they easily fit into the church.
Side B folk likewise are either single or celibate. Few are pure SSA as Kinsey showed. If they desire to marry, side B folk don't need to be completely Kinsey 0 and can marry the opposite sex.
I mean some of the strongest proponents I know for valuing OSA singleness are Side-B Christians themselves because we can often better understand the value of celibacy and are more wary of the idolatry of marriage for all people. That we talk predominantly amongst ourselves about our vocation is not pushing OSA singles out of the dialogue, but rather recognising that solidarity amongst us Bs is not only down our shared experience of celibacy (which isn't even true amongst all Bs - with some in MOMs), but also down to our shared experience of homophobia. Could we reach out and work together and talk more with OSA singles about our singleness? - sure. That would be beneficial to all of us who are harmed by and fighting against the idolatry of marriage. But we are not pushing OSAs out of the conversation, but rather forming solidarity with each other based around a shared experience of celibacy AND a shared experience of homophobia. Bekah's piece was about not rejecting Bs within the church - and that's what's important to note here. Our experiences of rejection due to the idolatry of marriage often comes hand in hand with our experience of homophobia - and so our experience therefore is different to that of OSA singles. Certainly - we can and should recognise the ways in which our struggles are similar due to the idolatry of marriage. But the experience of being considered threats and not seen as valuable members of the church (which was what Bekah's post was about) for us Bs are not limited to that which we share with OSA singles. And the factor that we do not share, homophobia, is indelibly united with our overall experience of rejection. To talk about that, and to recognise that experience as different and separate to the experiences OSA singles have, despite the commonalities, is not illegitimate. and it's not pushing OSA singles out of the conversation, because the homophobia we experience that is part and parcel of our experience of rejection does not apply to OSA singles.
Reading this makes me feel that there is hope for me yet. I definitely fall into the B side of things and struggled with my same-sex “secret” all my life. Maybe there’s some hope for me yet.
I think a difference exists between singleness and celibacy. The former includes a desire to marry, whereas the latter not, either by choice or condition as Jesus speaks in Matthew 19.
Single folk generally aren't content with their lot, and so must find a marriage partner. In antiquity and in some cultures today, marriages were thus arranged. Otherwise, single folk must become intentional to actively seek a marriage partner and they can more efficiently today via a myriad of dating apps.
The thing is, if single folk become passive and remain so, inevitably they show discontent and unhappiness. They become difficult as company and often put blame elsewhere like on the church. Celibate folk are not like that. For them celibacy is a vocation freeing them to put all for the Kingdom. Their company is stimulating, enriching, and they easily fit into the church.
Side B folk likewise are either single or celibate. Few are pure SSA as Kinsey showed. If they desire to marry, side B folk don't need to be completely Kinsey 0 and can marry the opposite sex.
I mean some of the strongest proponents I know for valuing OSA singleness are Side-B Christians themselves because we can often better understand the value of celibacy and are more wary of the idolatry of marriage for all people. That we talk predominantly amongst ourselves about our vocation is not pushing OSA singles out of the dialogue, but rather recognising that solidarity amongst us Bs is not only down our shared experience of celibacy (which isn't even true amongst all Bs - with some in MOMs), but also down to our shared experience of homophobia. Could we reach out and work together and talk more with OSA singles about our singleness? - sure. That would be beneficial to all of us who are harmed by and fighting against the idolatry of marriage. But we are not pushing OSAs out of the conversation, but rather forming solidarity with each other based around a shared experience of celibacy AND a shared experience of homophobia. Bekah's piece was about not rejecting Bs within the church - and that's what's important to note here. Our experiences of rejection due to the idolatry of marriage often comes hand in hand with our experience of homophobia - and so our experience therefore is different to that of OSA singles. Certainly - we can and should recognise the ways in which our struggles are similar due to the idolatry of marriage. But the experience of being considered threats and not seen as valuable members of the church (which was what Bekah's post was about) for us Bs are not limited to that which we share with OSA singles. And the factor that we do not share, homophobia, is indelibly united with our overall experience of rejection. To talk about that, and to recognise that experience as different and separate to the experiences OSA singles have, despite the commonalities, is not illegitimate. and it's not pushing OSA singles out of the conversation, because the homophobia we experience that is part and parcel of our experience of rejection does not apply to OSA singles.